This past year and a half has flown by and it sure has been a crazy one for everyone! I have always had the intention of writing my birth story after I had Xander, but every time I would think about it, it would put me into a very emotional state. So, I avoided it…. for quite awhile. I promised myself I would write about it before baby girl arrived. So here is my long overdue birth story.
It was a Thursday, and David and I drove into the city for my routine weekly checkup. My due date was approaching in just 3 and a half weeks. Covid became a huge issue leading up to my delivery, So David wasn’t allowed to come into my appointments anymore. When I got into my doctors office, She told me she would like me to stay because I was 2 cm dilated, and having contractions ( I did not feel the contractions) After an hour I was 3cm and at 2 hours, I was 4cm. So she sent us off to the hospital, and met us there. They had a whole protocol at the hospital because of Covid, and I had to wait alone, separate from David until we both could enter into the delivery room. Once I was there, they kept checking me and I had reached 8cm dilation. She then broke my water, and I went into active labor. I truly didn’t feel ready, but given that we were an hour and a half away from the hospital, I felt safe that I wasn’t home when my water broke. My body just did not feel ready. After breaking my water, the contractions came on so strong and after 3 hours of pushing, my son was born. He was taken straight to the NICU because he was not breathing properly and they had to monitor him. It was extremely hard for me to not hold my baby the moment he was born, but medical interventions are necessary. 48 hours later, I was finally able to hold my baby. The nurse told me that my son had a level 8 of Jaundice, and that it would go down over the next few days. She told me to look for yellowness, and lethargy… but he should be fine. We were released from the hospital, and took our baby home. What felt like the hard part, seemed to be over.
3 days later I took him to his first pediatric appointment. When I got there, she took his jaundice level again, because he was looking quite yellow.
After his appointment, we went home and as I was taking him out of his car seat, my pediatrician called. She said I must take him to the emergency room ASAP, and that she was calling over to the hospital to let them know I would be coming and to get him there immediately. His jaundice level spiked up to 27.8. At such a high level, there are concerns for brain damage, and a blood transfusion could be needed. As a first time mom, or any mom for that matter, there is nothing more frightening than having your baby in danger.
David and I raced over to the emergency room, and because of Covid, only one of us could enter. So I ran in (as fast as I could, being that I was only 5 days postpartum and could barely walk) and they took my son right away and started blue light therapy on him. It still brings me to tears thinking about that moment, because I felt so helpless. He stayed in the hospital for 4 days, and there was no overnight staying (again, because of covid) So they made me leave every night at 8pm. I tried so hard to fight them on that new Covid protocal, It just felt so wrong. I couldn’t bare the thought of leaving my newborn baby and going home. Every night when David would pick me up from the hospital I would burst into uncontrollable tears. I felt so horrible leaving him there not knowing if his levels were dropping, if he would need a blood transfusion, if he was upset, who was going to be feeding him and watching him all night. I would call all throughout the night checking on him and asking what his jaundice level had dropped to. It was slowly going down, and after a few days he was getting out of the scary zone. Every morning I would go back to the hospital and bring my pumped milk from the night before. It felt like the longest 4 days ever. I know that there are so many different things that could go wrong and this was something that fortunately my son recovered from naturally, and no interventions were needed. We are very lucky that it didn’t turn into something worse… But it was one of the hardest and most scariest moments for me.
Everyones birth story is so different and it truly amazes me what us mothers go through. I am beyond thankful that something so scary didn’t turn into a nightmare for us. But I do know, for some that is not the case. Mothers are strong AF, and I applaud every one of them!
Going into my second delivery, I definitely feel more prepared and ready to take on anything that comes my way.
Lastly, Check in on the new moms in your life! We’re all doing the most demanding, most isolating job there is! Support your mom friends, your coworker moms, your sister moms… All the moms!
XO Shell
